How do you leave unsettling issues behind?
Issues from the past continuing to lurk in your mind, plague your day and hold you back from your future?
Waving my hand up in the air vigorously.
I’m not sure if it’s because I’m a Virgo or just a classic over thinker but I suffer from this affliction to the hundredth degree.
Something happens, your feelings get hurt or you are angry and most of the time you stay this way because you hold back on what you really want to say or do.
OR
If you’re like me, you think of all these great comebacks two hours later, and really what good are they then? So it festers and you linger and rant while the other person is probably having a satisfying smoke and moving on.
You do have a few options:
- Let it fester
- Move Forward
- Address the issue/person head-on
Making A Choice
Let’s dissect these shall we? Firstly, this will all depend on your personality and I can only give you examples of what I have done and sometimes very wrongly. One of those examples is the first option. In this case, the worse thing you can do is keep letting this beast grow inside of you. Believe me, you will get to number three anyway. It might not be tomorrow or the next day but it will happen. Just imagine lighting a fire then adding the fireworks.
Most passive non-confrontationals (I totally made this word up) will adjust their meter and move on easily and if this is you, hooray. This choice is the hardest and you must possess some pretty good self control and high self esteem. In other words, this issue and/or person is not worth your time. So you choose your battles and fight another day (This is soooo hard but I have managed it at times).
Now comes the juicy stuff. Get it done when it happens. Nip it in the bud. This is perhaps the best option if you are typically a non-violent person. I wouldn’t advise this to anyone who has anger management issues! (I am not a psychologist nor do I hold a medical license for these opinions. This post is simply based on my experiences).
In some cases, I have found that addressing the issue head-on in a diplomatic (As much as possible) manner can relieve the tension and keep you from going headfirst to number one. Be sure that the setting is appropriate (Don’t do this in the middle of the call center or in front of customers on your first day at work). Take a deep breath to help with the initial comeback that was probably loaded with F-bombs, then fire away.
Hopefully, at the end of this discussion, you have some closure on the situation and can put it behind you.
Love, Live & Learn,
Mirla